Bless him, sounds like his accident at karate was handled very badly by them.

I have a very shy 4 year old and the thing that helps him in new situations is to sit with him on the sidelines until he's ready to join in. He has always been shy but it takes hardly any time at all now for him to bomb off whereas a year ago he wouldn't have gotten off my lap. I ask anyone who tries to encourage him to leave him alone as that only puts him off more.

Its mostly being very patient and staying by his side until he's ready, the more you can 'hold his hand' now the more confidence he'll gain because he'll know if he needs to retreat you'll be there for him. Create new situations so each time he faces one he can see that its nowhere near as bad as he thinks and let him take them all at his own pace. He can gain a lot of confidence just from watching and observing that nothing awfuls going to happen...and that if it does its managable. Do the school have a counselling service? Having someone he can go of to have a chat with (that isn't mum or dad because mum and dad have emontional involvement that means we give them a different type of support) could help too. Perhaps a change of karate class would help too if he's still going, take away the reminder?

Hi ellie thanks for the reply and the advice. As you suggested we no longer go to the hall where he initially wet himself the club have been very supportive of him and have told all the instructors to be aware that he has had a problem. My main problem is that before the incident he was a very outgoing confident boy and now he's not. I have tried reasoning with him but when he is worried there is just no reasoning with him. I'm considering now getting him some outside help to talk things over with but am worried that i'm making too much out of this .thx mum of two