Hi Marlene,
Very bright children often find socialising difficult. My youngest (now 9) is extremely intelligent, and really usually only plays with other very bright children or older children. When she was younger I could see that many of the games she wanted to play were too complicated for many of her peers! The rules were just too much! She is lucky that she has a handful of extremely intelligent girls in her year.
Her school used to also organise the "gifted" from local schools to all meet together, which helped, as it gave them the opportunity to meet and interact with other very able children. Is there anything like that available in your area?
I can understand your fears about her mixing with an older child and although you could stop her playing with this girl, I think you're right that it might isolate her more and she is undoubtedly learning social skills this way.
However, you still have a huge influence over her at her age... and she's intelligent so could you have a conversation that goes "I know X talks about kissing boys, but in this family, we don't think that's a good idea at your age. It's good to be friends and I'm glad this boy is your friend. It's good to have friends and to be a friend... but you don't need to kiss him" etc.
I'm sure she will listen to you... and your influence on her will be great. Just make sure she's hearing your values as well this other girl's!
Could you also ask in school if there any other children who might be suitable to pal up with your daughter? it doesn't have to be in the same year group... my daughter is really good friends with the most able girl in the year above and in the year below. As far as my experience has shown me, most extremely able children are quirky in their different ways. It is part of being very able... you aren't the same as the others... and although academically you can read much more than the others, etc it doesn't mean there are other things that are difficult for you. My own daughter used to hate puppets and is unsettled by many, many films etc. I think it is because she thinks about the plot and characters more than other children do. Her brilliant friend develops fears of things like the wind... because she can "What if..." and see the potential damage that wind could cause.
Good luck. I don't think your daughter needs a psychiatrist. It's just part of her intelligence. Ask the teacher for help. He/she could encourage social skills... and make sure thought is put in to groups etc.
My last thought... not all people are gregarious. Some prefer their own or the company of 1 or 2 others. That's ok. We are all different!
I can't get over some of the things you said in your message. My daughter was terrified of the wind as long as I can remember and in her 2 year old words said that she was afraid the "house was going to fly". Same with the puppets, games, etc. Her worrying so much seems logical, for instance, they had an early dismissal because of snow and she cried and began to panic when she heard the announcement. No other children did. Other children just go with the flow and not even think about whether their parents know or if the bus will know to come early, etc. She did. Luckilly, we did make a play date with a friend from her class this Saturday. Her friend was also chosen to be in the special "gifted" class my daughter is in. It's just once every 6 school days but it's an opportunity for them to be stimulated intelectually. I feel much better reading your letter. I think what I need to do is help her learn how to deal with her "what if's" and think past them. She's smart enough to think "what if" but if I can take her one more step to realize "what's the worst that can happen" it may do the trick. I'll talk to her about kissing too, hopefully it's just a phase! Thank you SO much.
