Thanks Rachel-I came down hard on my son at the time of writing of our problems and his last few weeks before xmas hols at school were much better and a lot of positive feedback came back to meand him.
We shall see what the new term brings,but there is a school psychologist going to be paying a visit to all the infant classes in the next few weeks and they will come back to me about how they find his behaviour.
It is really distressing to be in this boat,thank you for your words and it is a relief to know there are other people out there who understand