Well hopefully calling your son that was a heat of the moment thing and something your husband regrets saying. But if he's continually saying things like that its emontional abuse and you should get rid if he won't stop.

Your husband has done the right thing by discussing the problems he see's away from small ears and as a stepmum I can see his point about not being his role to hand out discipline. Think he also deserves credit for knowing his way wasn't good and holding back.

You've asked him to play a bigger part in disciplining your son but you haven't agreed yet how discipline should be handled. I think your answer here is to draw a line under whats been said and done in the past, put it down to stress, and work on what you will do in the future. Its early stages of him playing the new role and you yourself are changing the way you handle problems so there are bound to be teething problems. Whatever you disagree on keep a united front in front of the kids and continue discussing it away from them.

Afraid I'm with your husband on the coffee situation, grounding means they come home from school and stay in the house, treats should have been cancelled for that day but that descision should have been made between you before going and I think he handled it badly.

But as I said if he's continually putting your son down like its another matter altogether.