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13yr old wooes

My ADHD 13yr old boy won't do homework, classwork or projects. He is told repeatedly that he is failing school and will need to retake his final middle school year here in the states. He tells lies, steals food from the kitchen and is unable to be responsible. My husband and I are at a loss and really dont know how to help him. He cries and is remorseful when approached and makes many promises which he just doesnt keep. We keep lowering the goals in order to help him succeed. It is also causing a rift between my husband and myself as to who was the one with the poor parenting skills. Help