When dad was at home was he emontionally involved with his son? Did your son have to push boundaries to get noticed by him? Because where you say he's fine with one to one attention at school suggests he's looking for that level of attention to fill the gap his dad may have left.

So yes, let them get someone to observe him as the end result may be some extra support in class, one teacher to 30 kids isn't enough for a child who's had an emontionally absent parent, it fits in too with him being good at home when its just you and him.

I would also look at some counselling for him to work through the expereinces he's had of his father so far and the ones he's going to have as he goes through life. He will have expereinced mixed messages about how to respond emontionally IE you giving him good examples and his dad giving absent ones, (assuming I've got the right picture off course, always more than one possible cause to a problem) A parent who's in your life but won't/can't be properly involved can be very damaging.

I slighty disagree with Nicky about punishing him at home too, I think until the school have found consequences that are effective your right to continue taking away liberties at home, but once they've got control of the situation you should hand the punishments over to them as the second punishment is no longer neccasary.

Hi there. I totally underatand how you feel. I am much in the same situation with my 8 year old, soon to be 9 year old daughter. I found that the reward system at school made her stand out more as being different, although there were some benefits. I too know what it's like to be isolated by other parents, my daughter doesn't get invited to parties etc. I advice you that with school it could be a long process I have been trying for for years now, and my daughter has had her dad come and go in her life too. Have you thought about getting the educational psycologist involved? I did and some of the advice was useful. i Think that your son does what my daughter does and that is try anything to get attention whether it be through being slightly naughty or good. email me or IM me i have lots of advice and can lend you an ear.

xxxx

Thanks Rachel-I came down hard on my son at the time of writing of our problems and his last few weeks before xmas hols at school were much better and a lot of positive feedback came back to meand him.
We shall see what the new term brings,but there is a school psychologist going to be paying a visit to all the infant classes in the next few weeks and they will come back to me about how they find his behaviour.
It is really distressing to be in this boat,thank you for your words and it is a relief to know there are other people out there who understand