Hi Lyndsey,
Please allow the school to have someone in to observe your son's behaviour. It's great that he behaves at home, but obviously school doesn't worked out how to manage him yet. You are not at school with him and so you cannot make him behave there.
I can see that the school has introduced the sticker/ reward system and that's good... it's just not working yet. Keep co-operating with the school and re-enforcing the school's message that his behaviour is unacceptable.
The fact that he behaves well at hme suggests that he doesn't have ADHD but the school ought to be trying to discover if there are any underlying reasons for his behaviour.
Maybe he is acting like this due to what he has been through... I don't know and others on this site will advise you better about that side of things... but please let the school do what they want (and make sure the school is doing their job!!!!!). Just a word... when I was teaching if misbehaviour happened in my class.. I dished out the punishment. I didn't expect for them to be punished at home , AGAIN, for the same crime....I wouldn't want to be punished twice.

Can you seek out any support from other parents who maybe have children who operate outside of what is considered the norm? I have a son with dyspraxia.. and I got a lot of support from other parents who had children with Tourettes, ADHD, aspergers etc. We understood what it means to have a child who makes you question what "normal" behaviour is.
Good luck... keep being persistent with the school and keep telling him this behaviour isn't accaptable. It sounds like you are doing a grand job.


Thanks for your words,he is however being punished at home,all his liberties have been taken away-including his toys,I am being very,very cool with him as it is the only way I feel I can make him see that this is the sort of life he will have if he chooses to behave badly at school.
Regarding ADHD-he can sit for an hour drawing or making lego,knex etc models at home no problem and he is fine sitting at school if the teacher is sitting with him.
Fingers crossed he gets his act together now.

When dad was at home was he emontionally involved with his son? Did your son have to push boundaries to get noticed by him? Because where you say he's fine with one to one attention at school suggests he's looking for that level of attention to fill the gap his dad may have left.

So yes, let them get someone to observe him as the end result may be some extra support in class, one teacher to 30 kids isn't enough for a child who's had an emontionally absent parent, it fits in too with him being good at home when its just you and him.

I would also look at some counselling for him to work through the expereinces he's had of his father so far and the ones he's going to have as he goes through life. He will have expereinced mixed messages about how to respond emontionally IE you giving him good examples and his dad giving absent ones, (assuming I've got the right picture off course, always more than one possible cause to a problem) A parent who's in your life but won't/can't be properly involved can be very damaging.

I slighty disagree with Nicky about punishing him at home too, I think until the school have found consequences that are effective your right to continue taking away liberties at home, but once they've got control of the situation you should hand the punishments over to them as the second punishment is no longer neccasary.

Hi there. I totally underatand how you feel. I am much in the same situation with my 8 year old, soon to be 9 year old daughter. I found that the reward system at school made her stand out more as being different, although there were some benefits. I too know what it's like to be isolated by other parents, my daughter doesn't get invited to parties etc. I advice you that with school it could be a long process I have been trying for for years now, and my daughter has had her dad come and go in her life too. Have you thought about getting the educational psycologist involved? I did and some of the advice was useful. i Think that your son does what my daughter does and that is try anything to get attention whether it be through being slightly naughty or good. email me or IM me i have lots of advice and can lend you an ear.

xxxx

Thanks Rachel-I came down hard on my son at the time of writing of our problems and his last few weeks before xmas hols at school were much better and a lot of positive feedback came back to meand him.
We shall see what the new term brings,but there is a school psychologist going to be paying a visit to all the infant classes in the next few weeks and they will come back to me about how they find his behaviour.
It is really distressing to be in this boat,thank you for your words and it is a relief to know there are other people out there who understand