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Angry / unhappy 4 year old..

My son has just turned 4 and since starting nursery last September, we have dealt with one problem after another.

His first problem was lashing out at the other children, teachers and myself and my husband. After getting some books directed at children and explaining that hitting and kicking was wrong - he seems to be able to control this part of his anger.

Now he constantley tells everyone to 'shut up', he knows he shouldn't and pretty much everytime he immediately says sorry, but it seems to be an attention thing - he knows he will be told off but he does it anyway.

His school is at its whits end with him and have refered him to have his ears and language tested just incase there is a problem there.

Personally I think he knows what he is doing is wrong - I have seen him wait until someone is looking at him and he will deliberatley do something naughty - just to get a reaction.

My son is a loving and caring little boy and on a one to one is fantastic.

But if he is in the wrong mood - he is just so unhappy.

Every answer is 'NO' screamed at the top of his lungs. He runs about at 100mph and is constantly on the go. He has taken to scratching now too, when he can't get his own way.

I tell him I love him and more over I show him that I love him as I always give him positive praise and lots of hugs and kisses and smiles.

How do I stop this naughtyness - I know he can behave - he just choses not to.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.


Re: Angry / unhappy 4 year old..

Hi Leeann

I hope you don’t mind me approaching you but I think I might be able to help. I work for ITV on a parenting programme whose aim is to offer advice to parents like yourself. It sounds like your little boy is experiencing a behaviour problem, which can be addressed.

Our programme follows a proven child behavioural course. It's not about shaming bad parents it’s about people who are essentially good parents but who are struggling with challenging behaviour. The unique thing about our series is that from the children’s point of view it’s very non-aggressive. This course isn’t for children – it’s for mums and dads to learn how handle difficult behaviour and ultimately stop it.

The first series of Driving Mum and dad Mad was received very well. In fact the Home Office funded a study into the effects of watching the programme and found 3/4 of parents in the study reported significant improvements in their child’s behaviour, their parenting and in their family life it’s a series we are very proud of.

If you are interested in finding out more about the programme do call me I’ll be happy to talk about the parenting course and how we plan to film the documentary with absolutely no pressure on you to take part. My direct work number is 020 7633 2801.

Best wishes, and again I do hope you don't mind me approaching you.


Re: Re: Angry / unhappy 4 year old..

Hi Nicola,

Thanks for the reply - I don't mind being approached at all

I don't really think your programme would be of benfit to my family though, because my son can turn it on and off at will - and if he knows there is a camera on him he will be on his best behavior.

I took him to my local GP just before Christmas, and outside in the street he was screaming blue murder but inside he was a Angel. He did everthing he was asked to do by the Dr with a sweet smile on his face - and my GP probably thought I was nuts when I told her I was worried about him being hyperactive

But thanks again - like I said before - my son knows what he is doing I just need to get through to him - somehow.

I will look out for your programme when it comes on though


Re: Angry / unhappy 4 year old..

My stepson displayed this kind of behavior when I first met him at 4 or 5. And he has received psych- help, on and off again for some time- but from a free/low cost cracker jack box therapist since his mother suffered then (and now) from denial so I can't say honestly he was ever given the chance he and every child deserves. I urge you to get this child a psychiatric evaluation. I have had my own child seen by psychiatrists/therapists because I am a huge advocate for it and have been helped by it to a large degree myself. She started at 5 and took part in puppeteering, mask making, gameplaying, and lots of interesting techniques to help her with alot of her "issues" and I thank God for blessing me with an open-mind and awareness. It may seem like he is in control and it may appear that it is switched on and off but we as parents have no training to determine exactly what he is and isn't in control of. With no disrespect, I think alot of children suffer from these kind of behaviors and you sound as if you are a very loving and attentive parent that wouldn't want his/her child to feel badly. Once you begin the process you will not believe how many people you know have their children in therapy!!

Re: Re: Angry / unhappy 4 year old..

Hi Terri,

Thanks for your reply.

I know the benefit of therapy having been a patient of a very good therapist myself.

I have received an appointment with our local consultant paediatrician to start his assessment and I shall discuss possible therapy with him/her when I go.

Thanks again for your advice