Practical Parenting Advice Online Parenting Course

Return to Website

Parenting Message Board

Please report abuses to

Parenting Message Board
Start a New Topic 
Am I Dad or Adrian?

For three years solid my stepchildren called me Dad. From Day one they asked me of they could, I said "Well it is up to you what you call me, what ever you feel comfortable with".

Now my wife refuses point blank to give me a child I so desperately want. It was hard to deal with but I thought that her kids calling me Dad made up for that. So all was well til me and my step Daughter clashed. She was 20 years old and STILL at home, I said and I qoute "If you cant talk to me with a little bit more respect than that youll find yourself out of the house"!

Of course everything kicked off. Her over protective mother threatened at if her darling daughter left then she would as well. Then a little way down the line, an argument kicked off again, over the discipline that they kids dont have as their mother my wife lets thenn do and say exactly what they want. They direscpect me and it is "Ok by Mom".

MY wife left taking the kids. I did my utmost to build bridges and a month later they came back, however the kids still bore a grudge. Step son 13yoa and Stepdaughter 20 yoa. I said that it is no good them bearing a grudge if we are to have a new start. It should be a new start with my wife as well as them.

They now call me Adrian, and not Dad. When they called me Dad I felt like I was a Dad to two kids. Now as my wife still doesnt was to have our child, what am I Dad to? My wife and that pathetic excuse of a Biofather of there have two kids. My wife and I have what together? Nothing.

Ive been a constant male influence in their life where there BioDad has not. I refuse to be a "puppet Dad" to them. My wife wants me to stand being disrespected by them and say nothing back....I cant do that.

Am I blowing this all out of proportion?

Re: Am I Dad or Adrian?

No your not blowing it out of proportion.

Re: Am I Dad or Adrian?

Sorry to hear you are having a rough time.

I have a step-dad and I have called him dad from an early age, he has always been there for me.

I would never have stopped calling him dad and started calling him by his firat name I think its unfair to pay about with peoples feelings. I can only imagine what you are going through and I feel really sorry for you.

Stick with it, they will come round. Dont be fooled by them if they try to get on your good side if they try and play you off against their mum, I been there, tried it. Think the key is perserverence (sp)!

Not too sure what to say about your wife not wanting children, seems a bit harsh to give an outright 'NO' to children, but if you spoke about this before commiting then there's not really alot you can do.

I hope you get things sorted, Emily.

Re: Re: Am I Dad or Adrian?

Sorry about the spelling mistakes!!

Re: Re: Am I Dad or Adrian?

My wife before we got married told my parents that she could wait to have children with me, then after we got married it was a different matter. The kids calling me "Dad" made up for the fact that my wife didnt want children. The kids asked me if they could call me Dad, I said "Sure, call me what you feel comfortable with", Over the 3 years they called me Dad, it sort of made up for the fact that my wife refused to give me what I most wanted a child. I do have a biological son by my first marriage but I am unable to see him. His mother and his Stepfathewr moved away with out telling me where, so Ive no idea where to start looking.

Like I said over the three years they called me Dad I grew comfortable with it and got used to it. It took one argument and then they reduced me to calling me Adrian. They forget what their biological father did to them since they were born. Their mother in an attempt to make it up to them, let them get away with blue murder.

Thats why she refuses to stand up to them where Im concerned. She would rather me me angry with her than the kids.

I said to my with that if my step daughter has a grudge against me tell me to my face, other wise as she is 21, and she has a job, then as my father always said to me "My roof, my house, my rules, if you cant abide by them then the front door is there for you to close behind you". That might sound harsh, but what else am I to do? Legally I can ask my stepdaughter to leave, morally is a different matter.

I can perservere hoping that they come round. It doesnt stop my longing for me to be called "Dad". my biological son cant say anything as he is very severely autistic, plus the fact is I havent seen him for over a year. I soooo miss that lad.

I will persevere, I only wish that my wife could see it from my side.

Re: Re: Re: Am I Dad or Adrian?

You need to get in touch with someone to help you find your children, there will be a link somewhere (your ex wifes friends might know something?)

I think thats really unfiar to up and leave without giving you a follow on address, what gives them the right to decide your sons future without you in it?

I hope things get better for you x

Re: Re: Re: Re: Am I Dad or Adrian?

Its my son, I have a son by my first wife. Of recent since my step kids have reverted to calling me Adrian it has only served to strengthen the longing for a child of my own. Longing to hear a kid call me Dad. Am I being silly?
My wife doesnt understand, she only says "Adrian is your name isnt it?" Thats as may be. I said to her "Well when you are a grandmother, youll be Nan, what will I be..."
That question cant be answered ...yet, but I will suspect it will be "Adrian", she doesnt understand just how upset I will be.

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Am I Dad or Adrian?

Thats really sad Adrian...

Mayb you need to sit down and think hard about what you want for the future....

Take Care hun x

Re: Am I Dad or Adrian?

Ive already done that.

Because of the kids and the way she lets them get away with blue murder. They can do and say what they like, and be as rude as they like, its ok by "mommy dearest", the kids can do no wrong. My step son is in trouble at school for bullying. All my wife did was take his mobile from him for a month!

I feel Im hitting my head against the wall.