My 5 year old DD has encopresis and often soils her pants. We are working with our health visitor to try to help her and are making sure she gets all the love and support she needs to overcome this.

We have a problem getting babysitters for her. Most of the sitters we have tried either don't want to have to deal with a 5 year old's messy underwear or get cross with her when she needs changing. This often leads DD to try to hide her pooey pants (I found a pair under my bed once)

We currently have a 17 year old boy babysitter, who is the brother of a previous sitter who's since gone to college. He's great with her (as was his sister) and he doesn't mind changing her when she is messy. He even handwashes her pants even though we haven't asked him to do this. DD adores him and always tells him straight away if she's pooed herself.

But now my friend has questioned whether it's a good idea to have a boy babysitter for a girl who often needs her pants changing. She thinks it isn't right for an unrelated male to see a little girls 'private parts'. But he is so good with her we really don't want to lose him.

Is it OK for a boy to change a 5 year old girl?

It sounds like you've got yourself a great babysitter, Anna, and I certainly wouldn't lose him! Let's be honest about it, changing a kid's pooped-in underwear is a pretty horrible job, especially when its not your kid. If you've found a babysitter whose happy to do it, and even washes out the poopy panties then hang onto him for dear life! My friend had to come home from an event once because her son pooped his pants and the babysitter refused to change him.

The fact your daughter is happy to tell him when she needs changing shows just how patient he is with her. She obviously adores him and would be upset if you got rid of him. She's only five and she's not bothered at that age who sees her naked. At our daycare there's a male worker who sometimes has to change kids, boys and girls, who have potty accidents. It's all part of the job of looking after young kids. Hope this helps.

I sympathise with your difficult situation. You obviously know and trust the young man and he sounds like a real diamond. But, like your friend, I would personally be uncomfortable with this arrangement. There are professional babysitting agencies who can provide child-trained and police-checked people who would be pefect for baby-sitting your daughter. You can find them on google.

I have read your message and the replies you have been given and i'd say stick with him. If you trust him and you know his family what is the problem? I don't know any babysitters around my area at the moment but have had both boys and girls look after my son in the past. If your comfortable with him tell everyone to stop putting doubts in your mind. In todays society it doesn't matter whether you hire a pro babysitter or not as we have all learnt from the news even if they have been police checked the wrong ones still get through. I think you should stick with what you know and as he has given you no reason for concern i wouldn't worry. Your daughter is happy so why get rid of him just because your friend thinks a boy shouldn't look after her.