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I have a 10 year old daughter who has engaged in sex play on two separate occasions with a neighbor boy. The first time it was a show me yours I will show you mine type thing, out side behind the garage. They were caught and I talked to my daughter trying to explain to her that this is wrong and it’s not proper for a 10 year old etc. Tried to be the understanding parent.
I thought the problem was solved but here about 4 mo.s after the first incident, she was "doing it" again with this same boy. This time it was pants down private to private touching/humping.
I am sure that there was no penetration, but I was very angry and I forbid my daughter all the joys of childhood...punishment, grounding etc.
I would like for some one to tell me if I over-reacted, if this is normal curiosity between kids, should I be so angry? Worried? Take her to counseling or what? Please advise!
im wondering if at the age of 10 is this considered to be exploration or intercourse? I would think that the intent is exploration but the reality could be a ten year old loosing his/her virginity.And with children maturing earlier than ever, you have to be careful, with how much you can excuse as "child play" I have read about girls as young as 8 getting their first period? and pregnancy would also be possible. decide if your child is still innocent/trying it out, or if they are looking to have "real sex"
JAR and May_flower....thanks so much for responding, Im open to all ideas and thoughts.
I do believe my daughter to still be an innocent child although these acts have me wondering. She is still a young 10, she is not "grown acting" she doesnt wear the lil girl britney spears clothing or anything like that.
I have asked her why? & She doesnt know, but she did say the boy was holding something over her head, which would get her in trouble if she did not do this, and the boy told his mother pretty much the same thing vice/versa....its up to us to decide who is still lying.
My biggest problem with the situation, I believe is that she allowed herself to be manipulated by a young boy, how can I ever expect her to stand her ground as a pre-teen, or teenager?
As it turns out she would have never gotten into trouble like the boy led her to believe.
She still has not started her monthly, and she isnt developing breast yet, the boy also seems quite young in stature, and maturity. We have basicly forbid the kids from playing together, and I talk much more openly about sex with her. (Ironic)I need to hope it was exploration.
Thanks for your reply w/my situation and its much more than normal behavior by far. She lives in a very disfunctional household. One that has led to her 12yr old brother attempting suicide last year in August.
As for your situation - talk to your pediatrician. My 13yr old started her monthly when she was 9 1/2 yrs old and I had to sit her down and explain the birds and the bees. We talk openly and she is very aware of consequences. She is very private with her body. My stepdaughter on the other hand has been raised in a bad environment and loves being "sexy", flirts with grown men, talks to men driving thru the neighborhood, and has already made out with an older boy at school. She was able to describe oral sex to my 13yr old. We really have to keep a watchful eye on her.
Watch who your child hangs out with, peers, sitters, people at both of those households. Could she have been touched innappropriately and now thinks this is normal? Is she acting out something that happened to her already? How does a 10yr old know to do those things without being shown? I don't mean to alarm, but now and days there are so many sick people who contact our children in ways we can't even dream of. Just be watchful and ask alot of questions rather than exploding on her. She needs to explain where she came by this behavior and explain what she gets out of it.
I have to admit that I also have the same concerns that you do. With my child being so easily led, she is a follower who often plays the fool to try to gain friends, she has fallen into this same situation on one occasion. I summed it up as childs play and let it go at a talk. 10 is still very young.
well as we all know children get to an age where they are unaware of the intensities of sexual relationships but are facinated with the opposite sex. At 10 they dont realise what or why their bodies are the way they are and if they have been subjected to any type of sexual behaviour, whether it be films or just talk, they cant help but wonder!
Myself i belive that it is just a phase, one that i myself went through and know other people the same.. Being harsh on the child could affect them later in life, you just need to say look your not ment to be doing that (touching etc.) but they will grow out of it themselves.. Its not down to bad parenting etc.. just a child exploring the world and trying to get a better understanding.
Thanks so much for your reply motherinbed. Thats what I believe deep down inside about the situation, I feel it was two innocent kids exploring each with each other, but on the other hand after it happend the second time I was very harsh with her, as I didnt want it to happen a 3rd time and go even further, like actual penitration etc.
I am trying very hard to let it go but I find my self bringing it up often as to teach a lesson in everything that comes along about decisions and rules etc...and it seems that its a bigger deal to me than it is to her.
But thanks again...Im open for any and all advice on the matter.
this issue has come and gone for the most part in our home, I just wanted to add that my daughter has fessed up to how this all came about and as it turns out the boy bribed her/threatend her(in a simple ten year old manner) to tell on her, for something she did at school, and she thought of it as a good way to not get into trouble,
Also the boy asked her if she wanted to do it "rape or regular" I dont know what he meant by that and she doest either, and I dont believe the boy knows what he was talking about....I have made the choice to keep her away from this boy he will be 11 years old in a matter of weeks, and I think he has started puberty and will continue to seek out some kind of fufillment with his new "discovery" down below.