Thanks to the kind people who have answered my thread I appreciate the advice. I guess my main question is should I kind of ignore her "self put downs" or speak out against them which usually results in an argument which I can't win. I usually say something like "I'm not going to put up with anyone saying bad things about you, even yourself!" I hope that one day when she hopefully outgrows this stage she will remember that I always spoke up to support her but I also hope i'm not making things worse either. Trev

hi trev,it sounds to me like you are a great dad,your doing the right things,maybe you could back off a little and not get drawn into a row with her,just tell her she is lovely and be there for her when she needs you,it is real hard going through the teenager pstage for everyone especialy for girls.

goodluck kim xx

Hi Trev
My 11-year-old daughter has just started scondary school and has been coming home with comments like this about herself. She is very pretty and it was catty comments from some of the girls at her new school which caused her to feel this way about herself. I managed to convince her that it is jealousy, and that when they tell her she's too thin, or too tall, her teeth are too big or she is too rosy-cheeked, it's because they wish they were like that. She now finally believes me and her concerns have stopped. She realised that the girls were jealous and she actually feels sorry for them now.

Its very true...girls can be mean and jealous at this age. And usually they all feel the same way inside.

I would keep a distant eye on the situation and not make it your main concern. As dad I would find something more positive as your main concern to divert her attention. I would say this kind of thing could last for the next 3 years. Good luck!