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Yes, my 11 year old daughter has the same anger issues. she likes to push the envelope and not do as she is told until i have lost my temper and yell at her. she is reprimanded a lot at school for her sassy mouth and has taken to telling adults to shut-up. she has also admitted to me that sometimes she gets so angry that she wants to scream. i've been told it's natural hormones and growing up. i think the world has changed so much that kids are now growing up and being forced to deal with adult issues at such a younger age that sometimes they think they are mature and shouldn't be told what to do and the only thing they know to do is act out or be defiant. maybe you could talk to the guidance counselor at school or family counseling.
I think you are spot on about children having to deal with so many issues at such a young age and I believe this has had an effect on my son. The onset of war in Iraq and the tsunami were two topics which were discussed at school and which I know worried him. As a result of one session, when he had to write about what he did in his holidays, he wrote about our holiday in Iraq and illustrated it with tanks and planes. The teachers asked me why we went! He seems to pick up on things which go over other children's heads - the ads on tv for charities disturb and upset him, especailly the child and animal cruelty appeals and the appeals for help in third world countries. We have now just found out his class are going to have sex education a year earlier that previously 'because children are developing earlier these days'. The headteacher said perhaps we should speak to the GP, which we did, but she didn't recommend counselling because she thought it would make it worse, and might lead to more attention-seeking. She also thought it might be bereavement trauma - he lost his grandmother April 2004 and was devastated, but he seems over that now. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me and good luck.
It's good to know I'm not the only one. After a particulary bad beginning to the week at school, I have banned PS2, Gameboy and computer (Runescape). I also told him that I will be speaking to his teacher every Friday for the next month to see how he has behaved, and also take into account his behaviour at home, if he has had a generally good week I will let him have his privileges back for the weekend only. He took it really badly but has now accepted, and his teacher was pleased this week. He did write a letter of apology to his teacher, but I found it and it said that we were not going to feed him if he didn't behave at school! Cue the social workers! I know what you mean about the damage - my walls are OK (so far), but the bathroom door has been slammed so many times it won't shut properly and cracks are appearling around the frame on his bedroom door! Perhaps we are just having the terrible teens early?!
I think so! I must admit, she's been a whole lot better so far this week, so I think something must have stuck. We were talking about her dogs on the Nintendo game and I asked her if she thought I had given her a fair punishment. She said yes, she did think that and realises that shouting is not going to get her anywhere.
On discussion with colleagues at work, it seems that girls would appear to be more trying than boys on the whole (especially with their mothers!)