Ruth,
God bless you for stepping up to the plate and taking care of your girls now. My 13yr old use to do everything asked on the first go-round. Now it takes a bit more coaxing to get her to do as needed. She does not tend to things like she use to and has gotten snappy with me many times. Please don't think that any of this is your fault. I've been a single parent for more than 10 years and I think your girls are just stretching their boundries. We have been to counseling because I wanted to see if it was something more than teenage years and our counselor says that its hormones and age. Their minds and bodies are heading in every direction. His suggestions and mine: don't give in and argue back, when they disrespect you, state your case, give consistent consequences and don't say anything further, even if that means them standing there becoming frustrated because you won't "explain yourself" to them. At the same time, try to spend quality time with them doing fun things. I know I got into the rut of always being upset with my daughter and you have to show that you still love them. I find that during our mom/daughter times, my child will come out and apologize for being rude.
Keep the faith, seek outside help if you need to. Kids have to see that they are loved but they also need to see that there are boundries and you are the parent. I have stepchildren as well and my stepdaughter hates me. But we have developed a relationship in that she can dislike me but I will stand strong and be a mother to her whether she likes it or not and if she crosses the line, she will be punished. Eventually those walls will come down. Know your place and don't negotiate that you are an adult and deserve to be respected.
Take care.
I also think they are just testing the boundaries...I would try to look at it from their stand point. Mom has been gone and now she’s back? Is she here to stay? Is she going to leave us again? Why should we trust her or listen to her...she hasn’t been a real mom?
Just continue to be a “real mom" now...give them love and reassurance, but give them boundaries and consequences. They will learn in time...mom loves us and she is in fact a good mom. I honestly think it’s up to you to stand your ground and not give in...Kids are tuff and can fight the good fight, and can bread a person down, but they want to feel safe and loved by you.
