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Help with 10 yr old friend issues

My son is a thriving 10 yr old that is very outgoing and social, involved in a variety of sports etc. Perhaps a bit mature for his age....he is also quite big for his age but not overly so. Tallest in class kind of thing.

He has been quite sad after school lately and my wife finally got him to explain why. He said his friends were running away from him at recess. I had heard of this from him before like it was a game they played but he seems quite upset by it. I asked him if he thought he might be doing things that make them want to be away from him but to ask a 10 yr old to be introspective is hard. I don't believe in solving issues for kids at this age, rather helping them to fix things for themselves. I suggested doing more listening and to be a bit more quiet and laid back and see if that helped but I am really at a loss as to how to help him.


Re: Help with 10 yr old friend issues

Hi Chuck
I had a similar thing with my son when he was 8. At playtime the other kids kept away from him (it was a new school for him and he wasn't making friends). I raised my concerns with the headteacher and she watched him in the playground and casually spoke to a couple of the kids to find out what was wrong. It turned out he was a bit loud and lively and kept tryign to play the fool - this was his way of trying to make friends, but it put the othe kids off and they became irritated by him. We had a chat and he said he was just trying to make the kids like him. He was also tallest in class and it was a bit too much for the others all round. I told him to calm down and just be pleasant to the others, to listen to what they had to say and not to force himself on them to much. If he has no one to play with, I told him not to push in on other's games. This worked perfectly. The kids came to him and asked him to play and he did so, and a year and a half on he is very happy and has lots of friends. This may not be the same situation as your son, but it may be worth approaching the school to see if they can watch what is happening and give you an idea of what the problem is?