My marriage split 4 years ago and I have cared, loved and worshiped my children. My 8 year old daughter who keeps getting told off by me for not doing as she is told now demands that she wants to live with her father!

Its hurting me like mad!

any advice

My mum said to me when I was younger and no doubt done something awful that we hurt the people we love the most. it's really true because the people you love you know the best and therefore know what hurts them the most. i'm sure that your daughter knows that you have done so much for your children and that your greatest fear is that they won't love you so she is saying the thing that will hurt you the nost. She's angry at you for telling her off so she wants to get back at you and it has worked. you need not to let her see how much it hurts you because she knows it is a good way of getting at you. My son is currently behaving really badly at school it really upsets me and i've told him so and he is varrying on doing it, i think he might be doing it to get at me but i need to find out what he's so angry about - its normally attention seeking it usually is. good luck

she is saying it to get at you try not to let her upset you with it, my son did the same i tried telling him how it made me feel but that didnt work so in the end i just started saying to him "go pack a bag then, you know where the door is" which i know sounds so hard, but it did work now he never says it even when hes mad at me.

ps. he never did pack a bag to leave just yelled at me that he was going to and would stomp upsairs 10 mins later hes down for a hug saying sorry.

my daughter chose to live with her Dad when we split up. naturally i was very upset. I don't see her often even though we live in the same town. I try to make the most of every moment when i see her. i know her so well. I don't know why she chose her dad as she was always by my side we were best of mates and did so much together. her dad doesn't like me very much and i feel he trie to keep us apart. i will always love her and send her letters to try to keep in touch. i have a new partner who is very supportive. but life goes on and i try to make the best of what i have. it does hurt but you learn to deal with it.

I am divorced twice with two children. I also went though the same thing with my son. When he started 8th grade I made him live with his father. He sat me down and gave me a list of how horrible I was. He was very angry with me and I cried and hurt more than ever before in my life. My biggest fear finally happened.It was the hardest thing I ever did. I figured if he lost so much respect for me maybe he needs to see the reality of how good I was to him. The grass is always greener on the other side. That is until you go over to the other side. A friend went thru the same thing before me. Same result. My son came home 6 months later and I saw him more when he was gone because he was always calling me, missing me, and coming over my house! We actually became closer. I was the one he was reaching out to talk. When push came to shove he cried and said he didn't want to go. I told him he needed to go, if anything it would be good for him and his father to get a taste of reality.It's a gamble but you will always be the childs mother which is a bond that can not be replaced, even with dad. He never again even brings up the idea of wanting to live with his father and he had it good there! It wasn't horrible. However, it wasn't home. I wish you all the best in however you handle the situation.

i spilt from childrens father last feb we were together for 19 years,i found out he was seeing someone else, for 2 years before i new, he went for yonger women he is 38 she is now 21 my son went back to live with him last may he wanted to go back as he missed his father and freinds at scool,he was 14 at the tme, it killed me when he went,but oneway i now he would be better growing up with his dad than living in house with 3 girls. but now my oldest doughter wants to live with him also with his 21 year old girlfreind, my doughter is only 12 years old she is a daddys girl he phones her every night and my young doughter who is 6 they also see him every weekend,im not happy with it my 12 year old cames back to me on sunday mood swings saying to me she hates living with me and wants to live with her dad and not me,that kills me. her father has not only taken every i worked for my savings went with younger women,17 years younger.he has my son now wants my dougther,and he is still playing mind games with me, he want be happy untill he has every thing from me,even my children, theres no way my girls are going to live with them untill there 16 and over,im not working now ,so i will be there for my children 24 7. my 12 wants to go but i dont want her to go,she cant go.

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Replying to:

I am divorced twice with two children. I also went though the same thing with my son. When he started 8th grade I made him live with his father. He sat me down and gave me a list of how horrible I was. He was very angry with me and I cried and hurt more than ever before in my life. My biggest fear finally happened.It was the hardest thing I ever did. I figured if he lost so much respect for me maybe he needs to see the reality of how good I was to him. The grass is always greener on the other side. That is until you go over to the other side. A friend went thru the same thing before me. Same result. My son came home 6 months later and I saw him more when he was gone because he was always calling me, missing me, and coming over my house! We actually became closer. I was the one he was reaching out to talk. When push came to shove he cried and said he didn't want to go. I told him he needed to go, if anything it would be good for him and his father to get a taste of reality.It's a gamble but you will always be the childs mother which is a bond that can not be replaced, even with dad. He never again even brings up the idea of wanting to live with his father and he had it good there! It wasn't horrible. However, it wasn't home. I wish you all the best in however you handle the situation.

Hello, I read your letter, I am going through the same thing, in fact my daughter (currently 12 years old) is already living with her father for the past two years, at first it absolutely took the wind out of me, particularly because I have an adult son (28) who never gave me this type of trouble. The first year was absolutely hell for me, since all of a sudden I was alone, however, now in the second year I am dealing with me, for a change, and I am actually enjoying it, I am doing things for myself which after many years, I am able to do. Whatever the outcome, whenever she matures, she will return, I would let her go it will do her good to see that the grass is not greener on the other side. Just remember the more you try to hold a wild horse, the more it will try to free itself, if you let it go and it comes back to you, it was yours from the beginning if doesn't there is nothing you can do about it no matter how hard you try. So commit to yourself, forget about that awful ex-partner of yours, life is too short too be saddled with past regrets. This sounds easy, but it has taken me 2 years to come to grips with it.
Take care,
Christine