Hi Folks, i desperately need advice. My friends 12 year old daughter is making the whole families life hell. she regularly physically hurts her 5 year old sister, has her terrified "they will come and take you away". Has previously threatened to kill various members of the family as well as herself.

A normal day includes her running riot around the house, ignoring instructions given to her. Refusing to bathe, or go to bed at reasonable hours, then refusing to get up for school in the morning. Quite simply if she doesn't get her way everyone's life is made into pure hell.

We have tried everything imaginable to try and make her behave in a more "normal" way. You name any of the experts methods and i can almost guarantee you that we have tried it. We have dealt with it from a sympathetic point of view for almost 7 years and are now at the point where we are all really struggling to cope with our negative feelings towards her.

We have begged Social work to help but they so far are refusing to do anything constructive. We have been to the doctors to ask if they will see her and find out if there is some kind of illness, this was met with the advice that "she is under 16 therefore she must consent to all medical intervention". We quite simply are at the end of our tether.

Her 16 year old brothers have left home because they can't cope with it anymore and are afraid that they will lose their tempers the next time she physically hurts the youngest sibling. Her 15 year old very well adjusted sister is now reaching her tolerance limit and has on 1 occasionally stated "i'd rather slit my wrists than stay here".

Please has anyone be through this before and finally got help from which ever source. All we want is for her to be health and happy, but if we can't help then we have to think about all the other kids, we are at the point where we feel she must be taken into care to given all her siblings "time out" but are finding it horrendous to get ANY kind of help never mind respite care.

Please any advice is more than welcome.....

Without knowing the whole situation but could she have ADD or something like that? I presume she has been to the doctor.

You could look at her diet. This is a great website www.fedupwithfoodadditives.info if you want to look into the dietary aspects. It might help. A lot of parents have seen big improvements in behaviour by changing diet, I am one of them.

Good luck and hope it can be sorted out

We have tried the doctor, but because sarah MUST go voluntarily there is nothing they can do about a diagnosis at the min until she is 16 at which point if the behaviour continues she could be "sectioned" into a mental health hospital.

Seems crazy that under 16 cannot be forced into a "safe and disagnostic" envirnoment when there appears to be a mental problem. Anyone over the age of 16 can have be without any great "fuss". I would have thought it would be more dangerous have a "psychotic" children left undiagnosised, after all they are as capable of harm to themselves or others as any adult. As i have unfortunately experienced personally.

Sure seems a very crazy world at the min, when desperate cries for help go an answered

Her mum did adjust all her diet in the house to no avail, she steals and hordes food. Trying to control what she eats outside the house is also impossible as she has no interest in sticking to the diet regime outside the house.

Got to admit at this point it feels like we're looking down a network of tunnels and none of them have light at the end of them