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Hi there,
Any help or advice would be greatly recieved, as I feel very alone in the situation I'm in. I've been in my current relationship for almost 7 years, 4 of those years I have had dificulty in forming a relationship with my partners daughter who is almost 14. Everyone who is closest to her says this is the way she is and best to ignore her. The way the family see her is that she can be a bit difficult, lacks in confidence and is very shy around people she doesn't know. From my experience of being around her, I see a child that is desperately crying for help, rejects people, is very unhappy, hostile in her body language, doesn't know how to interract with other people, very difficult to talk too, and shows very little emotion. These are just a few of the traits that she shows. I've tried talking to my partner on how I see his daughter, because I generally care and see that she needs help, but this has a negative effect where her dad and I fall out, because he thinks I'm wrong in how I see her. Having 2 children of my own, ages ranging from 16+ and 20+ and experiencing other children over the years, I feel I have had enough experience to know how children tick. It has got to the stage in our relationship where my partner feels keeping his daughter seperate from our relationship is the for the best. I don't think this is the right thing, as I feel she will be justified in how she feels and thinks. If there is anyone out there, who can help me move forward I would be very grateful, as at the moment it is causing so many problems.

Many thanks in advance,

Re: Help....

does his daughter live with her mum? i really feel for you and maybe i have got this wrong but do you think that there is some deep rooted problems with this girl? if she is like it with everyone it would worry me,you should trust your gut feelings i dont think keeping her away from you is very helpful, your partner needs to see that he should be trying to work her problems out not brush them under the carpet ,i think your stuck between a rock and a hard place.
poor you!!!!

Re: Help....

Thanks for your reply, which is much appreciated. Yes his daughter lives with her mum. I have no doubt there are big problems, and yes she is like this with everyone. I was told today after my partner had seen his daughter last night, that he has decided we have a clash of personalities. I'm pulling my hair out with this partner of mine, as tonight we have fallen out big time again, because he can't deal with any civil mature conversation we have regarding this matter. As far as my partner is concerned, he will bring up his daughter in the way he feels fit and his way of dealing with her, is by ignoring the problems she has. If I don't start excepting how this effects me, I really don't know what is going to happen.

Re: Re: Help....

do you think her mum maybe playing some part in the problems? do you get on ok with her mum if you do maybe you could speak to her about whats happening? as for her dad hes really not helping his daughter in anyway by not getting to the root of her problems, its not a good way to set her up for adult life. i really hope things work out for you

Re: Re: Re: Help....

Hi Deb,
I think her mum and dad play a big part in the problems she has. You ask if I get on OK with her mum, I have only met her mum the once, which was very uncomfortable, and all the other times I have had the chance of having the contact with her, she chooses to keep her distance. Her dad doesn't see the harm he is causing for his daughter, he is too busy blaming me, because until I came into his life, he never had these problems he said.


Re: Re: Re: Re: Help....

try to keep your chin up mate from what i know you are in the right here just dont know how you are going to make your partner to see what hes doing! and if you dont know her mum well enough to talk to her your stuck i will keep thinking about it if i have a brain storm will let you know

Re: Help....

Thanks again Deb for your support, I think it has got to the stage now where leaving her to get on with it is the answer, everyone else seems too. Whatever I do doesn't seem the right thing, so why put myself through this any longer. My gut feeling tells me that ignoring this child is not the right thing to do, but that comes to my caring nature. Until the people closest to her see or want to recognise this child has a problem, then I really don't have any choice. I know it causes me so much distress, as this behaviour wouldn't be acceptable if my children were like it, and I would have seeked professional help by now, if they acted in the way my partners daughter does. I wouldn't want to be in their shoes a couple of years down the road when it backfires, because it will when she develops more in becoming a teen. I have tried and tried with this girl, and all I get is rejection from her, and there comes a time where enough is enough