thanks kaz will try this method this week although i can't even get her to lie in her bed. it's as though she's got an anxiety about leaving me or she's frightened of somethimg in her room, tried to ask her but she hasn't got the vocabulary or isn't able to make herself understood, she has ended up stopping down stairs and getting exhausted.

I agree with Kaz but I wouldn't go back in there at all. Put her in her crib/cot and leave. If she screams her head off for more than about 10-15 minutes then go back in and try to settle her. But if you go back in every time she cries even if it's just five minutes of crying she will not learn.
It sounds like seperation anxiety. My daughter went through this and we tried everything else. A blankie or soft toy, more light (she already has a nightlight), her pacifier, music, co-sleeping (try fitting a toddler that moves around constantly into a double bed with two adults. Sore back! I even slept next to her bed until she fell asleep. But she was still crying every night. Eventually after many nights of co-sleeping I decided enough was enough. I put her in her cot and left her to cry it out. She has no problems going to sleep now. It is hard but it's better than co-sleeping or sleeping on the floor!

P.S. Please don't give her milk. Not to go to bed with. You can give her a drink of milk before she goes to bed but if you let her go to sleep with a bottle of milk in her mouth she will end up with bottle mouth - rotten teeth.

thanks for the advice, as for milk, i can't get her to touch it unless mummy drinks it and she shares mine (meals aswell). as for putting her in bed, i can't even get her to lie down on the mattress and when i leave the room she's right behind me. tried the leaving method and 3 hours later gave up because she'd worked herself up too much.