The belt issue was wrong and I think you probably realize that so I am not going to belabor that and the door thing was a tad extreme, but I can't understand the posters who treat this like it was bound to happen. I am 25 and a virgin because I was raised in a Christian home and taught that sex is a beautiful gift for a husband and wife only. I don't appologize for that viewpoint and I am sure many people think I am old fashioned and archaic, anyway, I had a good bad example my whole life, my sister who has never been the same since sleeping around. She has had an illigitimate daughter we are raising and can't seem to keep any relationship going. Sex before marriage simply is a bad idea. Honestly, I can't understand how this happened at 14. I wasn't allowed to have anyone in my bedroom, male or female. Also, You allowed her to date at 14? I was brought up to believe that dating is reserved for when you are ready more or less to get married. I have only started dating in the last 3 years or so since finishing college was important to do first. I think you should punish her to the extent that she realizes this is a serious offense, but try to do it with love and appologize for loosing your temper, but say that it is because you feel she has really messed up her life now and you hurt for her. Then again, you may not feel and believe the things I have said, but that is what I would do.
Hitting her is totally unacceptable. Maybe you should try and be her friend in the situation. Get her on birth control. If you "forbid" sex, she is just going to do it behind your back. Instead teach her safe sex.
It's partly your fault that you do not have trust in her. You need to be her friend when it comes to this and not punish her for doing it. She is going to do what she wants to do. I think you owe her an apology. I don't believe in children being hit above the age of 10.. but some parents discipline differently than others.
You absolutely CANNOT punish her for this. It's nature. It's bound to happen. I hope you didn't expect her to come to you first and "ask" you if she was "allowed" to have sex.
If you don't go about this in a friendly manner, she is only going to turn against you.
