What was she supposed to do? Tell you first and expect you to allow it? I do not understand what the big fuss is about, and I certainly cannot for the world believe you hit your daughter with a belt. If anything is shameful, that would be it.

I agree with Bjorn. Hitting your daughter with a belt is absolutely unacceptable. In Australia you could probably find yourself up on assault charges.

She probably has now lost total trust and respect in you. I can understand your shock and disappointment but I think you way overreacted. Just settled down and calmly talk to your daughter. Say you think she is too young for sex but having the boy charged is only going to ruin his life and make your daughter hate you. The more you try and keep them apart the more you will push them together. Does his parents know?

Just go easy, whether we like it or not our kids grow up and make choices we don't necessarily agree with but as a parent, you always need to be loving, supportive and kind. Always communicate freely and provide the best guidance and be the best role model possible.

Relax

ya, dont hit her, civility would probebly work best rather than acting like she's an animal, though I dont condone minors having ANY sexual contact I think your punishing her wrong

I wholeheartedly agree with Petal and Bjorn - hitting your daughter with a belt is totally unacceptable - you were obviously out of control as you say you could not stop hitting her. I too can understand your shock but removing the door from its hinges to deprive your daughter of any privacy, is I think, despicable. You say you have done this as a punishment but isn't this type of punishment humiliation in its worst form? in my opinion you are at serious risk of alienating your daughter from you and she may decide not to share any of her 'secrets' with you in the future. I too have always been open with my sons from quite an early age, they are now 21 and 19, and have had similar experiences, in fact they tell me far too much now!! but hitting really is not the answer - there are other ways of handling such things such as asking your daughter to keep her bedroom door open when she has friends visit her (I had this rule in place with my sons if they wanted to listen to music for instance in their bedroom with their femail friends) but I really think that talking to your daughter will be the most effective; perhaps you should start by explaining why you hit her in the way that you did!

i can undestand your anger with your daughter,i have 2 myself and would be just as upset,however i really think you need to come to terms with the fact that your "little girl" is growing up and hitting her isnt going to slow it down, if anything she will turn to her boyfriend even more because he is showing her affection while you show hostility -which one would you prefer- and you could also be causing her major damage emotionally, do you want her to assotiate making love with feeings of guilt and fear.you had the guts to tell about sex when she was a child,now have the guts to give her advice and guide her through the horrible teenage years,she needs you now just as much as she did then,just in a different way thts all.i think you should definetly think about apologising to her for the way you handled the situation(before its too late) but dont be sorry for being upset,you had every right to be. i hope thing work out for you both. p.s it was very brave of you acmitting to hitting your daughter that way,many wouldnt have.

Wow this brings back bad memories. I was caught at the age of 13 and beat. I continued to have sex but only with the same boyfriend. I became pregnant a few months before I turned 16. I went to a friends house to meet him and tell him the news. My mother followed me and when she got me home she beat me with an extension cord. I had a beautiful girl almost 20 years ago who is a colleg sopomore and I have had this talk with her a million times. Some teenagers are more ready than some. You know she is having sex so get past your personal issues with sex and start the other talk..........prevention of STD's, pregnancy, AID's. Be brave you can do it.

The belt issue was wrong and I think you probably realize that so I am not going to belabor that and the door thing was a tad extreme, but I can't understand the posters who treat this like it was bound to happen. I am 25 and a virgin because I was raised in a Christian home and taught that sex is a beautiful gift for a husband and wife only. I don't appologize for that viewpoint and I am sure many people think I am old fashioned and archaic, anyway, I had a good bad example my whole life, my sister who has never been the same since sleeping around. She has had an illigitimate daughter we are raising and can't seem to keep any relationship going. Sex before marriage simply is a bad idea. Honestly, I can't understand how this happened at 14. I wasn't allowed to have anyone in my bedroom, male or female. Also, You allowed her to date at 14? I was brought up to believe that dating is reserved for when you are ready more or less to get married. I have only started dating in the last 3 years or so since finishing college was important to do first. I think you should punish her to the extent that she realizes this is a serious offense, but try to do it with love and appologize for loosing your temper, but say that it is because you feel she has really messed up her life now and you hurt for her. Then again, you may not feel and believe the things I have said, but that is what I would do.

Hitting her is totally unacceptable. Maybe you should try and be her friend in the situation. Get her on birth control. If you "forbid" sex, she is just going to do it behind your back. Instead teach her safe sex.

It's partly your fault that you do not have trust in her. You need to be her friend when it comes to this and not punish her for doing it. She is going to do what she wants to do. I think you owe her an apology. I don't believe in children being hit above the age of 10.. but some parents discipline differently than others.

You absolutely CANNOT punish her for this. It's nature. It's bound to happen. I hope you didn't expect her to come to you first and "ask" you if she was "allowed" to have sex.

If you don't go about this in a friendly manner, she is only going to turn against you.

Good Luck.