I agree with Yasbeck don't push your girls to call your wife Mum. I lost my mum a few years ago and I could never ever call anyone else Mum, it just would not be right for me.
Your girls might call your wife mum in time but let it be their decision, this might never happen and if this is case just be supportive, accepting and understanding. I am sure your girls don't mean to offend your wife it is just no one is ever going to replace their mother. It is so hard to lose your mother.
I don't see a problem when the new baby arrives. Just because they don't call your wife Mum doesn't mean they have less respect for her, it is just a reflection of a different relationship. It should not be a huge issue.
This is not easy territory because, obviously, for you to lose your wife and your children to lose their mom is a very big event indeed. I doubt you or your children are through it. And that is the point. We do get into all kinds of pickles when we try to make our present circumstances meet needs in the past. We all do it everyday and I think this is what is happening here. I have seen this quite a lot in my work. Let’s say that when your wife died you decided to be strong, decided that what your children must be going through in losing their mum is too unbearable for you to feel. So, giving it your best shot, you decided that when the going gets tough, the tough get going, and you made this big effort to move on. It is a psychological truth to say that to the extent you did not let yourself go through the natural grieving process, your children will act it out on your behalf. So what I am suggesting is that you may have accepted you lost your first wife [though I sense not], but you have not accepted that your children have lost their mum. And these feelings, unacknowledged and unresolved in you, are what your children are showing you. The more you push the situation, the worse it will become, the more you resist their feelings, the stronger they will become. They are actually helping you see where there is still pain and grief to go through. It's about you. A hero of mine is Elizabeth Kubler Ross, she called this Unfinished Business. Hope this helps. Opening to your feelings, giving your children permission to do the same, letting go..all this is healthy. Layers of this issue will come up for years from time to time. You new wife will be amazed at your wisdom and maturity!!
I really think you need to let the children decide on there own if they want to call her mom. Yes, she has been there however these kids my still be hiding feelings from there real mother's death. Tell the kids that you understand that they are having a hard time with this and that whatever they decide to call her name or by mom it is fine with you. They will come around and someday call her mom. You just need to wait until the time is right for them. I hope this helps.
