The step parent relationship is one of the toughest there is. Mostly what happens is that as you arrive in the family, all the unresolved issues over the disappearance of mum or dad arises. This is one aspect. The other is that if you think about it, whilst there is a natural bonding between you and your husband, you feel in love, the relationship between yourself and your step son does not have that momentum which will propel you through fears of familiarity. You feel as if you have not chosen each other, and yet here you are in the home together. You might feel guilty if he rejects you, you might feel you have failed, all kinds of negative feelings may arise in you, but the key thing to remember is that this is a huge process for him and for you. I really think you are best served to go at the pace he chooses. On some level, the extent to which he is ambivalent about you, you are ambivalent about him. As such it is a mirror to your feelings. Does he have any particular issues running with you? Please feel free to email me if you think it may help. Remember how he feels about his mum in his heart. And how his mum feels about him. You can help him so much by remembering his loss and being that sensitive to his feelings. You are gift to him, you just don't get it yet.
