Practical Parenting Advice Online Parenting Course

Return to Website

Parenting Message Board

Please report abuses to

Parenting Message Board
Start a New Topic 
I need help!

I am writing in regards to my five year-old step son, Angelo. I need help and do not know what to do with him anymore. He has serious anger and violent tendencies along with issues of listening. Every night we batttle over him going to sleep he throws violent tantrums, leaves his room, slams the doors, breaks stuff. I have taken everything out of his room and all that is left is his bed and dresser. That did not work. I have grounded him from the computer, having friends over, going to the park and etc. That did not work. Time outs don't work. I am at a loss. I am struggling with keeping my sanity and dread coming home most of the time. Now my three year old daughter is starting to pick up these behaviors and I am terrified of having to deal with these issues with her. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel hopeless, like maybe it is me. Can anyone guide me through this. I feel as if I should mention that around Christmas time for two months Angelo was assaulting me to the point of leaving bruises and scratch marks on me. Please, whatever help I can recieve I would greatly appreciate.

Thank you,
Donna Pfarr

Re: I need help!

I think he may need counselling as he may not be coping with divorce of his mother and father and could feel angry towards you as he may blame you for the break up. His bad behaviour may be the result of him not coping and not knowing what to do with these feelings. I think given the violence in particular you may need professional help.

The only other thing I can think of that may help if you occasionally do something special with Angelo just the two of you, like go to the zoo or movies etc.

Good luck and I hope things improve.

Re: Re: I need help!

Yes, I do agree that he may need professional help but Steve, his father doesn't want to because Angelo is too young yet. I thought that maybe he was angry at me or afraid that I would leave because his mom Misty died after his second birthday. Maybe it is grief issues.

Re: I need help!

Out of control needs simple kind structure. I highly recommend the videos/book by Dr Thomas W Phelan titled; 1-2-3 Magic Encouraging good behavior/managing difficult behavior in children. It is a no-spank, simple, useful and efficient method. I thought is sounded cheesy, and was sceptical of the results promised. But, I got the exact cooperative results from my two old enough children!!! My strong willed 6 year old was beginning to go out of control, because I did not have a set method, and was not consistent. Now I do, and am. I spend 99% less time with difficulties, and more time living and enjoying my kids. You can buy the video (s), borrow them from a library or school district. PLEASE CHECK IT OUT!

Re: Re: I need help!

This little 6 year old needs professional help and fast. He is certainly NOT too young to recieve this. This is the time to intervene and get this behaviour under control. Imagine this when he is a teenager. This is a little boy who needs extrememly consistent parenting. Whatever method you choose you need to stick to for a long period of time before deciding it isn't working. People often give up a method after a couple weeks but remember, this didn't start in a couple weeks so it won't be fixed in a few weeks either. This level of violence isn't within "normal" so regular behaviour techniques may not be all that are needed. Professional help for the caregivers in terms of strategies and counselling for him are really essential to helping this little boy. Please readdress the issue of professional help with his dad and see your doctor -- they can often direct you to resources available in the community. Best of luck.

Re: Re: Re: I need help! Thank you all for your advice

I appreciate all of the advice that I have received. I am willing to try anything at this point and hope to find a solution for all of us.