Just suggestions.
I recommend a behavior managment series called 1-2-3 Magic by Dr. Thomas W. Phelan
I also recommend closely watching his diet. Many horrible behavior problems have been proven to be resolved by agrivatingly simple diet awareness/changes.
On top of this, If after a solid consistent, behavior managment method is implemented by you, for him at home, and the diet is closely paid attention to. Then if it continues, a physician specialist should test him for possible chemical imbalances, or neurological misfirings, and such. I saw one time on Montel Williams show, an extreem case, where a young boy was consumed with rage, hate, and threatened to kill his mother, for no reason. They did a sophisticated blood test and found that he happened to have a problem assimilating (Iron) I believe. A very simple vitamin, that no matter how much he ingested of it, would not be able to be assimilated by his body. He got very simple help, and the behavior stopped, and he kept his self-esteem positive. All suggestions! Sometimes taking baby steps to eliminate doubt on a reason for certain behavior issues is better.
Poor you! I can imagine how you must feel. I agree you should check out any medical cause but if there is no medical cause, it sounds like he feels a bit out of control. I would forget about the punishments / naughty corner for a bit and try consistently ignoring -just say symapthetically "I will talk to you when you are calm" and pick up a book or go out of the room. The alternative is to put him in his room, hold the door shut and reassure him that you are there, without entering into conversation. After he gets out his rage he will probably get upset. Then you can comfort him. I know in practice this will be extremely difficult but I have seen it work. It has to be consistent, though, over a long period - don't ignore for a bit and then get cross. Also, don't give him choices - he's very young and needs to feel you are in control, try to say yes when he asks for something if you can (this doesn't mean giving him everything he wants, but if he wants to go to the park / play a game say "Yes, good idea" even if it would be easier for you to do something else) and really make sure he's getting enough exercise (swimming exhausts them), good food and sleep. My four-year old is very easy going but if he is tired or hungry (or worse, both) he turns into something out of a horror film, swearing, storming out, slamming doors and being aggressive.
Don't feel you're failing him. Parenting is extremely difficult and you care enough to look for help because you want to do the best for him. That's all any of us can do. All the best.
