I think you and your wife need to be a unified front to your children. She should back you up and you should do likewise even if you don't like what she does and discuss it later out of earshot of the children. The key to discipline is consistency and fairness.

I feel you and your wife should sit down together and discuss how to discipline your children then explain the rules to your kids. I think it is wrong that your son and wife approached you together about the discipline. I think this undermined you as a parent.

I personally feel that spanking a 10 year is not appropriate. This is only going to make your child really angry and believe time out is more effective for any age group. But you need to be consistent with it. Put them in a boring place in the house, not in their room and leave them there for about 5 mins. One warning only and they are in time out. Explain why the behaviour is wrong. Don't forget to give lots of praise when they are good as parents we often forget to do this.

A great book you might like to read is called Discipline without Shouting or Spanking. I can't remember the author but you should be able to get your local library to locate it. Good luck.

I keep posting the same reply, forgive me. BUT, I highly recommed the video series on encouraging good behavior/managing difficult behavior in your children. You can buy it, or borrow it from some libraries and school districts. I was sceptical, but got the exact results, that the video said I would!!!
Please, check out the tape(s)called;
1-2-3 Magic by Dr. Thomas W. Phelan

I have 4 BOYS, ages 6, 4, 2, and 11 months. My oldest is very active, dominant, and strong willed. My husband and I use this SPANK-FREE method, AND IT WORKS PERFECTLY!!! Please let me know if this is helpful to you!