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Troublesome 12 year old

This is my first time to the site so hope u can help.

I have 2 boys 12 and 13. The 12 year old is very mature for his age. He thinks that he can go out and stay out as long as he likes. Thinks that the rules in our house are 2 strict. Talks to me and his father like dirt and is just horrid to his brother. He feels that he is treated different from his brother but we have never treated them any different. We have told him that we love him just as much as his brother but he doesn't believe us. We have tried talking to him but he ignores us. We have tried grounding him, taking away his luxuries but nothing works. I am at my wits end and it is causing lots of problems within the family.

Re: Troublesome 12 year old

Go to a third party to talk right away. Could be your minister. My son started this behavior at an older age after he had his license. That's much worse. Even if you love them the same he doesn't see it that way so that's his reality or he's manipulating you with that. Either way if you're at wits end bring in more help.

I found "taking away" as punishment just made my son more angry and the punishment seemed counter productive.

The only thing that worked for me was planning goals. We sat down and made a list of things really important to him- adventures he'd like to take, places he want to go see, and things he wanted to do. Then we set expectations. He was much happier with direction.

Strangly enough I found with my son he was the worst when he thought we weren't paying enough attention to him. He wouldn't tell us the schedule for wrestling, then towards the end of the season when we had a confrontation he was crying when he said how hurt he was no one came to his matches.

His brother has always had summer jobs and bought several cars and fixed them up. He has no car. He sees this as unfair. He never has money. His brother does. He thinks we give everything to his brother but when my husband offers $$ for a task- one steps up and the other watches TV.

BTW the "unloved" one has everything going for him but doesn't think so. He's 6'. Very attractive. Bright- IQ much higher than his twin. Yet he's the one who feels life is unfair.

All I know is it get worse as they get older. Get help now.