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VERY concerned about my grandchildren !!

I am a grandmother of an 8 yr old and twin 8 month olds. Have witnessed my DIL during 8 yr olds young months give unnecessary harsh, physical punnishment before he was old enough to understand right from wrong, etc. At that time, the father of the child and other family members were around to try to encourage the mother to learn better and more appropriate ways to discipline or correct undesirable behavior. Still, she rebelled against our guidance and specifically showed us that "no one" was going to tell her to raise her child. She insisted that her child would never grow up to be a wild brat like so many of the children / teenagers are today, and continued to slap, jerk, hit, pinch the child, but was careful not to put any marks on him, and her attitude "dared" us to do anything about it. At 8 yrs old, he is a very well behaved, fearful of his mother's discipline tactics, child. My son divorced the mother, while she was carrying twins, unsure of even who father'd the twins, until the DNA test results came after birth of them. Towards the end of the divorce and before the DNA test results came back, the N.G. Army called the father of the children (my son) into active military service and now he is in Irag. The judge had given the father primary care of the 8 yr old before the active military orders came in, but had to revise it, giving primary care to the mother due to the military orders.The DNA tests results came in showing the twin girls are indeed his. As grandparents, who had already developed strong ties and bonds with the 8 yr old, also want to love and care for the twins, requested and received specific visitations schedule for the children, especially due to the father not being available at this time to have visitations or direct involvement with them. The mother is upset and doesn't like this at all. She has now announced that she is moving the children over 2000 miles away. In the mean time, it is becoming evident through the older child, that the mother is again, using very harsh, unnecessary hitting, spanking, jerking, etc. to the yound 8 month old girls. I am so scared for these childrens' physical, emotional and mental health, I don't know what to do.

Re: VERY concerned about my grandchildren !!

Dear meemaw

I really don't know what you can do, grandparents don't tend to have a lot of rights. Unless there is a case of serious abuse or neglect, I doubt very much child safety authorities would intervene. You also have to consider that if you went this route, what impact it may have on the children, your future relationship with your daughter in law and son.

Mothers are very sensitive to others especially in laws butting in and telling them how to raise their children. I can only suggest that you go softly and try to foster a more supportive and better relationship with your daughter in law. By doing this, at least then you can maintain a closer relationship with your grandchildren hopefully until your son returns from duty. Offer to take the children overnight so your DIL can have a break, take the kids out whatever just tread carefully or she will move 2000 miles away.

Good luck and I really feel for you. Hope things work out well for the children.

Re: VERY concerned about my grandchildren !!

the best thing you can do for now is keep a diary of every thing your grandson tells you not what you think his actual words report all events to your local social services even though it will appear they are not doing anything in time if anyone else reports events it will back your diary up and it is hard being a sitting duck but believe me these things do eventually get sorted,schools are good to contact as well tell them your concerns but if you dont do anything at all and social services do one day get a report they would be more leniant if nothing else has been reported.what you do might not seem alot but if you have these great concerns then it cant be left.

Re: VERY concerned about my grandchildren !!

I realize that I am late to this message board but, I wanted to give you my input anyway.

If I were you I would call CPS on this girl right away. They will take the children from her and give them to you. There is no reason at all to treat an 8 month old baby like that. It sounds to me that she doesn't even need to be a mother. I understand what she is saying about not having a brat but, she is over the top. Hopefully by now your son is either home or on his way so that he can get these kids. I really do wish you the best but, you need to get them away from her before she really flips out and hurts one of them. Also, since you have already been given special visitation with the kids you might want to go to your attorney and ask him to draw something up saying that she can't leave the county with the children. I know that they will do that in Texas for divorced parents. That is just something that you might want to look into. Good lucky to you MeeMaw......GO GET THOSE BABIES