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my 7yr old has lost it and so have i

my 7yr old daughter is throwing temper tantrums. laying on the floor, kicking and screaming, refusing to do anything. Also we found out a short while ago that she had been malested. When she does this stuff she looks at you and just smiles and it seems like she is doing this on purpose and she is very manipulative. Does anyone have a suggestion?

Re: my 7yr old has lost it and so have i

Tina what an awful situation for you. You must have been devastated when you found out about the molestation. I hope you have had that ******* charged, as these people are the lowest form of life on the planet. Child abuse is extremely psychologically damaging and your daughters tantrums are probably the result of this. Believe me, children can feel dirty and think it is their fault that it happened they need to understand they have done nothing to provoke this. I think you both need to get counselling otherwise you are going to harbour lifelife anger over this. It could also damage your daughter's future relationship with men so make sure she can work through this trauma.

A good website is It is an australian site but has a lot of good info and could be a good start. There are heaps of other abuse websites that could give you advice or contacts near your area.

Best wishes to you and your daughter.

Re: my 7yr old has lost it and so have i

Hi Tina

When a child is molested, they experience a feeling of powerlessness and of being controlled. The tantrums she is throwing is an expression of her pain and rage that is inside her for what was done to her.

Take her to see a Child Psychologist/Therapist that specialises in abuse in children, she needs to be able to work through her fear and anger and hatred in a safe place.

If not, she will carry it to adulthood and it does affect everything in your life ( I was molested as a child )

She needs a lot of support and understanding, talk to me if you want any more support. I hope you find a good, loving Therapist to help her work it out.

Re: my 7yr old has lost it and so have i


I was 12 when my father molested me. I was old enough to tell people but, when I tried I was told not to tell anyone because they would think bad of me so I didn't say anymore about. I still had to live in the house with my father for the next 6 years until he died.

Your little girl is confused and doesn't know who she can trust with this information and this is the only way that she knows to deal with it. She loves you but, alot of times children are affraid to tell their parents the "big things." They don't want us to think bad of them or to look down on them. Even though they love us and trust us they think that in some way they will get into trouble if they tell us. They also have that fear of the person that has done this to them. In a strange way they feel some sort of loyalty to the molester and they don't want to get him into trouble. I know that sounds wierd but, it's true especially if she was close to the person that did this to her.

All you can do is take her to see someone and hug her when she starts acting that way,let her know that you love her no matter what has happened and most of all is that it was not her fault. Just be patient with her and let her talk about it as much as she needs to. I also think that it is very improtant to let her know when she does talk about it that you believe her. Your daughter has got a long road ahead of her and I really do wish her and you the best of luck.

I worked in a Texas Prison system for 9 years and let me tell you, the punishment that these men get is not near enough!!!!!! I really wish that something could be changed to where they get a stiffer sentence because they get a thrill of some sort for a short time and these little girls get a life time of destruction. Being molested effects everything in your life. You never forget it and you never get over it. If you are lucky you learn to deal with it though. You don't have normal relationships with men and when you have children of your own you are on pins and needles all the time because you are affraid something is going to happen to them.

Good Luck Tina and God bless you and your little girl.