My 8 year old daughter is so hard on herself when things don't work out perfectly.
I've always praised and encouraged her, but the slightest criticism from me (or anyone else) has her in tears - literally beating herself up for not being good enough.
She's fine during the day, but at bedtime the tears come - she's clingy and whingy, saying she hates herself. Nothing is specific - the most she's come out with is that she thinks she annoys people.
How is she doing at school? I also wonder if this is a recent occurrence or part of her makeup as an individual.
My youngest son is very sensitive, and quite down on himself, and this is odd, because everyone loves him and are very vocal about it. However, he is a mirror image of myself, in appearance and personality, and while I express my love for him, I'm also prone to self bashing in the kids presence. Because my little boy is so like me, perhaps he hears me say so, along with me not liking myself a whole lot, and puts 2 and 2 together? Who knows? It might be less complex than that, but I've definately noticed big improvements when we, as a family have tried to foster a more positive, light hearted and upbeat atmosphere around the house.
When he says hes rubbish, we say, "What? You're ace!", with a big smile. We try not to act too emotional, eg, sad, shocked expression... "AAAWWWW NOOO! You're not at all!" I think some of it is a cry for attention, so we play it down slightly without disregarding his feelings as unimportant.
If she feels she annoys people, perhaps she is receiving some negative feedback from friends, or maybe siblings? This is something to look into.
Thanks for the reply - it helps to know I'm not alone. I smiled at your description of your family's behaviour - it sounds familiar!
My daughter recently moved school and found the experience really tough. She seemed to be getting over it in many ways, but is so unforgiving of anything she sees as imperfect. I agree with the keeping it light - I try to do that, but it's tough when she appears to be hurting so much. Maybe she's not feeling it as bad as it looks? maybe I'm trying to hard to "make it all better" rather than leaving her to resolve anything. Maybe it's me that's worrying too much!
The last thing I want to do is dismiss her feelings, but I don't want to end up giving them more significance than they already have. It's a minefield!! I'll try and get the feedback you suggest without making it worse!
