I need some advice. During this stressful run-up to the allocated secondary school annoucements, I have been putting a lot of emphasis on hard work with my DS, and been trying to encourage him to do his best at school, thinking that if we were refused by the area's "best" school, we could present evidence of his great attitude and fantastic progress. His teacher is very pleased with his attitude and progress, and Jake has seemed enthusiastic and very happy with himself, especially since we were accepted at the school after all.
The thing is, for the last couple of weeks, Jake has been reluctant to go to school, faking illness, and generally fed up and fractious. A couple of times he has said he wants to rest. Last night when I put him to bed he said "Mum, is there ever a time when we don't have to work?" So, I think maybe I have put too much pressure on him.
The trouble is, the school he will be going to is reknowned for high standards and expectations, and I am worried that, if he is feeling pressured already, he might find it hard to cope next term. Also, Jake is pretty lazy. He would love, if I let him, to spend all his weekends playing computer games. He hates anything that requires him to get out of his chair. So, I know that me making him work hard is going against the grain.
We do have plenty of R and R, so how can I change his attitude to hard work? I so want him to get off to a good start, and I'm concerned about his mood at the minute, knowing him as I do, and that once he gets into a mindset, its almost impossible to get him out of it.
Have I gone over the top about how important hard work is? If so, how can I undo it? I just want him to reach his potential. I showed extraordinary potential as a child, but, due to lack of parental support, I feel I have ended up nowhere, and I really want my own kids to have what I didn't. But I'm afraid I may be overcompensating for my own failings in life here.
Any opinions wil be very much appreciated. Another viewpoint always helps.
Hi Liz
I believe we all so often over compensate for things. It doesn't make us bad! I think it is important to teach our kids hardwork, but they need to see light at the end of the tunnel. I have a step child that was very troubled, our counselor was the one that said sometimes we need to change our way of teaching kids right and wrong and good and bad behavior. He said for example instead of grounding a child for a week do it for a day giving them a fresh start the next day. That really helped us!!! So for you maybe you need to teach him that at the end of the hardwork there is something fun. But not way down the road. Hard work today rewards us today type of thing. I don't know might help. If he doesn't want to do the work then he doesn't get the reward. And keep it simple. We didn't have alot of money so we just used everyday things like tv, video games, etc.
Thanks Cindy. I like this idea or rewarding the work on the same day. Perhaps arranging playing a game with him on the puter after he has done his work would help him. I'll certainly try this.
Hi liz, I'm doing the same trying to get my daughter ready for her 11+, 1/2 hour study gets 1/2 extra time added to pc time on the condition that she does actually study and not just sit and chew her pen! So far she's not made any complaints and is studying for an hour a night.
