Okay.. I need help and need to know how to handle this...
I have two daughters, ages 2 and 4. They constantly fight with each other and the two year old constantly follows me around crying and whining that she wants "uppey". I work a full time position Monday through Friday from 7:30 am to 5pm, dropping them off at daycare at 6:45 am and picking them up by 6 pm. Get home do the usual, dinner, cleaning up, getting them bathed and ready for bed, I have no real time to spend with them. My boyfriend (their father) works over 50 hours a week, and even on days off and on vacation he goes into work. I also work a Saturday job which takes at least half of my day. Trying to go to school part time too to further my education. It is really hard to spend the time we would like with our children. My four year old is learning some "provocative" things from kids at daycare (school agers) and it is really bothering me. The teachers have even seen a change in her attitude. They do not listen to what they are told, as I have to repeatedly tell them over and over, and they still do not do it. I yell all the time and I do not have patience anymore with them. (losing my hair..literally) I am very frustrated and don't want to keep yelling and I want a less stressful life. I want to do more with them, but I can't even take them to the grocery store without them throwing a fit. It drives me nuts!!! I need help - some tips, some activities, some anger management classes, parenting classes, childrens attitude classes... something... anything...
I blame myself for their actions..for not spending more time with them and it is really hard on me... I cry at night because I want to be there more and I don't feel I am a good parent...horrible feeling it is... any advice to make things smoother and less hectic would be great...

sorry for the repetetiveness and jumble...so much going on...

I can only tell you what I would do: I would quit the job. The money you earn will never give you daughter what they are missing now. Live simply on one salary or maybe you can suplument a bit from home.

You save the cost of daycare and you save your daughter's dea souls. They need you. Ideally, till age seven, every child needs to be with mom.

Scale down your living costs. We used to live so simply so I can stay home with our boys, you won't believe what is possible. We lived in a one bedroom trailer, a used car only, no eating out, food club for cheap food, no cold drinks (not even juices, water is the healthiest) second hand everything and minimal everything. In exchange I had all day with my children. They became so peaceful and happy it was worth anything.

I agree with the other reply. All the money in the world in not worth it!! Money can't buy happiness. We have no extras and live paycheck to paycheck, but I get to spend time with my kids. I am self employed but don't make alot of money. But I can go to events, spend time with my kids, and that makes it worth it. If you want to continue going to school part time I would say ok, maybe even take online classes so you can do it from home. Your kids are only young once and life is short. Enjoy your kids! It's not always easy to live a simplier life, but I'd rather spend time with my kids maybe cooking than having expensive things.
Too much Stress is bad for everyone and esspecially bad for your health and well being. Good Luck!

Hi,

While I do agree with the last two e-mails, I also know that this is not always possible for a variety of reasons. Ideally it would be the best solution.

As an alternative if other factors really require you to stay at your job, keep the weekday job but PLEASE quit the Saturday job. Trust me, that alone will make a big difference. This step may sound silly, but on each Friday or Saturday evening after the kids are in bed (or some other quiet time), sit down and plan out your housechores and meals for the rest of the week. Grocery shop accordingly, then when you get home you don't have to think about that stuff you can just DO it and have more thought and attention for your kids. Get them to help in whatever simple ways they can -- 4yr old can set the table, 2yr old can "help" you wash vegetables. It makes them feel important and gives them some interaction with you -- so they're not as likely to hang off you or misbehave for attention. I also have a little table and chairs in my kitchen so my son can colour or squish playdough or whatever and we can talk & play while I deal with the parts of dinner he can't help with yet. He likes the playdough because he can pretend to be cooking too.

On your weekends, whenever possible, plan something fun each morning. Make a batch of pancakes and go to the park. Dance around the living room, have a pillow fight, do finger paints/potato stamps, whatever but have some FUN *first thing* so that if there's things you need to do during the day, they're more likely to entertain themselves for awhile than be whining for you. Having a garden (even just potted on a balcony or windowsill) is a GREAT activity for kids and it's about that time of year. Enjoy your kids, they won't stay little.

Behaviourwise, STOP telling them over and over. Tell them ONCE, and have a safe space such as their room where they can go be by themselves for a few minutes (if one is already in there, have a backup room for the other ). Let them know ahead of time that from now on, they will spend some time away if they choose not to listen to you the first time. When a behaviour is repeated after you asked for it to stop, WORDLESSLY pick up the offender and send her to time away. In general, don't respond to protests. They will get the idea. After a few minutes, and preferably when they've quieted down, go in and ask, "so what do you need to do?" (for your 2 yr old, say "so you're going to ____________ now, RIGHT?" so the answer is simpler for her).

It gets a mom-means-business message accross (do it NOW, not the 5th time I ask) while taking the yelling right out of it. Also I often ask my son what rules are for, with the answer being to keep him safe and teach him to get along with others (since we all have to live with other people). He's well-versed in it now.

I work similar hours with a 3yr old, so I know where you're coming from!! The things I mention here have simplified our life so much and I hope it will do the same for yours.

Also every morning I tell my son how much I would love to keep him all day and play, but that I have to work so that we can have a warm place to sleep and good food in our tummies (financially, I am a single mom). Also that as SOON as I am done work I will RUSH to pick him up. Your kids need to feel that they are a light in your life.