Hi there everyone, my problem is my in laws, well my Mil mainly, she always makes me feel like I'm not capable of looking after my girls ( I know I am )but that she's better than me , like we had snow the other day and she phoned up worried
''are the kids alright?, are the kids alright?''
Am I not capable of looking after my own kids, or if they have a cough or a cold she's telling me what to do ,I'm not stupid !
And she says things like ' Nannys the best ' and she said before
'' I make sure all my housework is done in the week so I can play with them all weekend ''
which made me feel bad because I don't spend as much time playing with them as I'd like to, you know what's it's like there's always housework to be done and what bloke does the ironing and the hoovering for you?
It probably seems like nothing but there are loads of other little things as well, like they are always rubbing it in how much they have put in the bank for the girls when they are older , it's like look what we have got and what you haven't.
I've had enough I 've been keeping my mouth shut for years and I feel an arguement erupting.
Any advice? Am I overeacting?
She sounds like a right royal pain in the you know what!
Will your husband have a word? If not, I can strongly recommend a dartboard with her picture on or a wax doll and some sharp pins.
Try to speak to her before you errupt, no it doesn't sound like nothing, constant picking takes it toll and is very stressful to live with.
Sorry thats not very useful advice but wish you luck with her.
Thanks Ellie , the dartboard comment really cheered me up, I have had a word with my partner but he likes to keep the peace, which doesn't keep the peace between us, if we argue it's always about his parents, I'll will be having a word before long and not just a quiet one! I think they need to know who's boss!
Thanks for the advice
Joanne x
It's nice to have grandparents that really care but I can understand where you're coming from.
Rather than start an argument when she says something inappropriate return your comments in a friendy confrontationally way. E.g "are the kid's alright" -'of course they are, why wouldn't they be'!
I'm sure though that she's just trying to be helpful and her cleaning tip is a valid one. It is important to spend time with the kids instead of cleaning. Don't want to preach but I tend to do some chores such as ironing, tidying up etc when my kids are in bed and when my other half is about -he'll then comment and ask me to sit down to which I give that time honoured reply 'the housework won't do it itself!'. Find this tactic ensures some assistance most times!
If you are confident in your parenting skills then anyone else's comments won't make you feel inferior, merely just highlight any insecurities you have.
Whatever you do please don't have an argument, it will cause ill feeling on both sides and it would be unfair to your kids.
It could be that 'Nanny' just wants to feel useful and needed. You won't always have the answers and you never know -she might come in useful!
Tell Nanny that while you appreciate her advice, you already know that HER parenting skill are up to par. afterall, you did fall in love and marry her son. But these are your kids, and if you choose to do things differently than she did, that is your coice. I'd be willing to bet money she didn't raise her kids the way her mother raised her. And if she is uncomfortable with that, then perhaps she should go visit some of the other grandkids.
I know how you feel!!! When I was in the hospital after having my oldest daught my mother inlaw went to my house and cleaned and boxed up and threw away my things. Then She would tell me my kids were sick and needed to go to the doctors. She would tell me not to leave my house until I called the doctors and at one time she even said if I didn't take my daughter to the doctors than she would. My mother in law threatened at one point to raise my kids as her own. Not a fun situation. I didn't always handle things very good when it came to her. I often ignored things until I couldn't stand it anymoe. Then I got in a yelling match and it didn't help. Just remember grandparents don't have the "work" parents have. Thier kids are grown and gone. You are not a bad parent just because grandma has more time to spend with your kids than you do. Grandparents usually do have more time. Also remember I perfect house is not as important as time with your kids. My house is not perfect, but it is clean and I have time with my kids. My dishes may sit for a day, but at least I got to play with the kids or read a book with them. And ya know the dishes will still be there later or tomorrow and you can do them then!
