We have a 12 year old boy he is shown lots of love from us and we spend time with him and do lots together. John is not the boys father and Liz and his father divorced when the boy was a baby. John met Liz when the boy was 8 and married when the boy was 10. John has a good relationship with the boy and we all have fun a lot of the time. The boy sees his dad regularly. He is very bright and has a loving nature as an up side as a down side he is constantly in trouble at school now (mostly cheek and low performance due to minimum effort he finds school boring and says he hates going) He is clever at working out how to get away with doing as little as possible etc. This is now spilling over to home life and we have bascally clamped down on this poor behaivour Our analysis is he has a strong will, is very intellegent and is basically very lazy. He has found he can depend on untruths to get him self out of trouble or get what he wants. But we usually find him out. He finds it easy to cheat or cheat the system to again suit his requirements od doing as little as possible. He never shows much anger and is never violent so that’s a good pointbut never shows much remorse either but he is capable of saying sorry if he upsets us. He is very forgetful this is now a major problem but if its something he wants for him self then him won’t forget. It’s difficult to get him to do something if he does not want to do it. We can remove privileges carry out our word to the letter and impose rules and set targets but it does not seem the phase him. It’s possible I think he thinks the world revolves around him. It’s possible he has little respect for grown ups. We want to solve this and set him on the right track before it’s too late as we both can see trouble ahead. Any advice will be considered and though through.
If I could sum things up in a few lines I would say he is too clever for his own good. Does not hesitate to answer back and has a strong will to do what he wants with little consideration for others around him.
It sounds like this young lad is having a ball! He has found out how to make his world work the way he wants to, and is exploiting it to the full, and who can blame him! I think you hit the nail on the head when you said he is too clever by half.
This might sound very drastic, but I think you need to throw out any old tactics, he knows what you are doing, and hes not going to buy into any of your strategies, because he will only behave on his terms, you have seen this with the selective memory.
If I were in that situation, I would make each and every privelege something to be earned, not an automatic right. I would use a points or coins system, eg, clean your room, 5 points. Earn 50 points in a day, yes you can use the playstation/go to a friends house/watch a movie. Otherwise, no, no, no. It might sound harsh, but its kinder than allowing him to think that life is that easy all the time; that when he leaves home and grows up, he wont be able to work people over as easily.
You could make him earn wages this way, but I couldnt, my budget wont stretch anymore!
Good luck, some of our other posters might have some other ideas for you. All in all, he sounds like an insuppressable confident free spirit, he will probably grow up great.
